Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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