Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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