Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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