I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
