i just had sex bonerless
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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