He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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