Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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