i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
