Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You are a genius and a whore.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
