You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
