I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
