so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sext me about skeletons
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