Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize