Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
