I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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