DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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