No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
