I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
