Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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