Tell her she can't have a vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
