When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
