I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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