My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
