I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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