Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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