Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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