I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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