i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
