I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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