i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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