jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
