I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
True college students do jello shots in the library
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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