I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We left the knife in your bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
