She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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