it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i drank out of a bidet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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