I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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