hotel room ftw
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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