OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
