Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
