Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
