Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
