and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
