why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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