Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
