Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina is officially offended.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
