tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
