my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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