Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
