i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
