we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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