She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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