My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
