I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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