My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
do nipples grow back?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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