well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
