I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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