My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
