why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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