Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
