just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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