so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
