So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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