my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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