I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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